8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
