I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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