I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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