You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
