god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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