even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
it's like iHOP with fire
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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