You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
