so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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