Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
