Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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