i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
