Just mADE A PArabola og urine
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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