oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
