help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
