Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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