I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
