The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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