he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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