Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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