So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
