from now on my penis is your penis
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
