What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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