im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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