why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
