Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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