Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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