he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
