I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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