WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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