I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
