turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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