Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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