just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
