I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
