Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
