I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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