If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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