i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
