those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
