my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I have feelings that need drinking.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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