I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
