Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
