she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
This is the high leading the old right now
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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