The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
