So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize
