Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
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