take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
When are your genitals available?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
