i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
