she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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