is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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